Blank Page
by PaladinDragon
Summary: Blank. That is the best way to describe how I am on the inside. Oneshot, YYxY


This is something I wrote a long time ago and don't remember why. I know it's got a lot of grammatical errors, but if I fix them it looses the feel I want it to have, so if that drives you crazy, don't read it.

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Blank. That is the best way to describe how I am on the inside.

Yea, I know I have friends--I have enemies too. I have a life now, but none of it interests me anymore.

I can't feel.

There is no happiness in my laughter, no pain in my tears.

I feel no anger, even when Joey broke my favorite picture of my parents. Although, I yelled like I normally would have...

I don't feel any physical pain either, not when I fell headfirst down the stairs just a few minutes ago, and not even any of the heat that used to threaten to burn me up when my lover kissed me after the incident.

I think that is what frightens me the most, I think he is beginning to notice. I don't want him to know. I look so weak, I know what he must be thinking, but I am stronger than everyone knows...I am.

So, why is he looking at me that way? His crimson eyes are almost glazed, and brimmed with tears I've never seen there before. What is wrong with him? I wonder silently, never knowing he is thinking the same thing about me.

Sometimes I wish things were different. Why did I just lie? Every other breath I take contains the wish for some feeling, anything. Guilt, pain, happiness, grief, I'll take and be happy with any of it.

I am currently sitting on the floor, back leaned against the wall, thinking about my life while my darkness sits in front of me. He's not saying anything, just waiting for me to come clean about my soul. I don't want to, he'd leave me if he knew he just had a shell to love, a blank slate where anyone could write a new future.

So, I lie again.

No, Yami, nothing is wrong with me, I feel fine, I am not hurt. Yes, I love you with everything I have too.

Never mind it is near nothing.

No, I do not need help, and yes, I swear to be more careful.

Never mind I did it intentionally. No, I am not suicidal, or at least, I don't think I am, but I was just trying to shock some sort of sense into me.

I stand up, and walk slowly back up the staircase, getting not reaction from my body to the smoldering eyes I know follow me. One thing echoes through my head as I lay on my bed...

_What is wrong with me?_

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The next morning brings no better mood. Yep, still blank, still sick of life. I actually did manage to get up on time this morning, although I was still late for school because I lost myself in a book I am currently reading, still trying to avoid my lover's worried gaze.

I did make it here today, and now I sit. Back at school, happy for my friends and their newfound interests.

Yeah, right.

I smile, I laugh as usual. Man, this is really starting to get old. I need something different. I am now walking down the hallway to my lunch period, deep in thought. I am thinking about skipping the rest of the day.

I did.

I've never done that before, so I'm sure someone saw me, but I really don't care. I made it all the way home. Bad idea.

Who is waiting for me but the one and only spirit of the puzzle. I had forgotten about him, which provokes the first feeling in me in weeks.

Fear. Not of him, no, never of him.

I had forgotten the only one who still cares. He watches me come up the sidewalk, something I can't quite place making his gorgeous eyes shine with actual tears this time.

He calls my name softly as I walk passed him into the house. I try to ignore him, try to escape up the stairs and to my room, but, something stops me.

I turn around. Emotion is hard to describe. Especially that which is unbridled and raw--in it's rarest form. Some people use elements of nature-the fire in his eyes, the sunshine in her smile--me, I'm not very poetic like that, so the best I can do to describe what I saw there on his face was terror. He was so afraid.

I'm not going to be able to run away this time. I can tell.

"Tell me what is wrong. I know it's something."

Wonderful. I sigh and sit on the stairway. I can feel him next to me, the heat from his body as he puts and arm around my shoulders. He half whispers my name, kissing the back of my neck.

I look up at him, but turn my gaze away. I don't want to tell him, but I know I have to speak. Hey, is that a feeling? Reluctance? Sighing, I take his hand, hold it to my chest, and say, "It's me."

Then I tell him how I've been feeling this past week. he listen to me as I finish. His eyes stay locked onto mine as I am specking, and I start to feel something. I feel warmth through that gaze. We're sitting here on the stairs, holding hands, and looking each other in the eyes. I know it's so cliche, but it really couldn't have been more perfect.

He wore and expression almost like a grimace, but love radiated from him, and I just soaked it up. This is exactly what I needed.

"Thank you." I say, letting him hold me to his chest. He cuddled me almost like a child, but I didn't care. His touch felt so good. is hands stroked my back, pulling out the aches in my chest. The holes that wouldn't fill suddenly weren't there anymore, and I've never loved him more than at that moment.

"For what? I have no idea how to help you, except try and show you how much I really do love you." I didn't reply. I just smile and climb the rest of the way into his lap.

"Just hold me for awhile."

So he did. We stayed like that for a long time. I fell asleep, because when he gently shook my shoulder, it was dusk. I feel great right now. better than I have in what seems like years. Yami made dinner tonight.

I smiled and meant it. We didn't get to finish because I started kissing him, the fire in my bloodstream wa contagious apparently. The very fact that it was there made me even more passionate. I love him so much.

I think I'm going to be okay now.

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Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

Oh! You're still here? Oh, okay...don't know what that story was about...so yea. Thanks for reading!


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